recalculating...

One of the patterns I'm trying to break out of is giving up on a goal if I don't follow my pre-planned route absolutely perfectly. When I set goals for myself, this often happens:

1. Set ambitious goal.

2. Start road to goal.

3. Fall short somehow.

4. Torch the whole thing to the ground with feelings of failure and self defeat.

It's a nasty habit, because it either builds failure into the plan OR trains me to set my goals smaller. Because I'm constantly biting off more than I can chew, I rarely choose the latter. My lofty goals are often plagued by my own inability to accept anything less than perfection, and any course deviation cues that stupid voice:

You fucked up.

You blew it.

The whole thing is ruined.

May as well stop.

All your momentum is lost.

It's either start over or it's not worth it.

Not this year. 

I'm ignoring that guy. I'd like to see what happens if I keep going, in spite of self-doubt, self-defeat and an impossible quest for perfection. I know for sure that giving up on goals ends in failure. Let's see what happens if I push on, in spite of missteps or hiccups. 

So I missed a day running.

So I missed a day writing.

So something took longer than I planned.

So I had a beer.

So I have to compromise my original plan to get to the end.

So it's harder than I thought.

So I ate [insert junk here].

So what.

Onward. Up and onward.