I wonder if I really learned all the lessons in high school that I think I learned. I look back, certain that I could do it better with the experience I have at 41. It's those nagging questions: Why did I work so hard to impress people who didn't necessarily like me? Why didn't I just hang out with the people who made me happy? Why did I not see it? If I could do it all over....
Foolish regrets, of course.
But now, I know better.
Ha.
It seems I've spent a significant portion of my life trying to evolve into someone else...someone better, accepted, loved by everyone, CELEBRATED...always tricking myself into believing I'm almost there. It's a miserable place to live. You end up sort of liked by everyone, and not really known by anyone.
Is this a midlife crisis? Instead of transforming into a person I hope other people will like, why not just be myself and let people deal with it? This chameleonesque, middle of the road guy sucks. I'm sure that's why I was drawn to performing. I could play someone else...someone confident and secure..maybe an accent and a cape.
Jesus christ, it's like a LiveJournal entry.
But still, 2013. Big year for me.
New outlook.
