Where have I been? Where are all the new posts? Why the hell am I not writing more entries?!
I now have more time to get back to this blog. Unbunch your panties.
Here's a start. A new vlog.
Three things I learned from google after making this vlog:
1. I've been using "subjective" and "objective" wrong for a long time. I mixed them up.
2. Hummers get between 8 and 10 MPG.
3. Bill Watterson quote on the topic of why he never licensed the production of "Calvin and Hobbes" toys or merchandise:
"The world of a comic strip ought to be a special place with its own logic and life... I don't want the issue of Hobbes's reality settled by a doll manufacturer."
Hey does your sweatshirt have an arm warmer built in? Because that would negate the fine: Arm warmers are so rad and for all ages. Well, maybe not, but you can pull it off because you're Nicky.
Posted by: JM | 02/27/2006 at 09:53 PM
Ohhhhh, platinum blonde hair and an ORANGE tan = $50 asshole fine.
Is it okay if I use this idea for my own b-log? I have a shitload of asshole fines I'd like to impose. Might pay the rent on the new apartment I'm moving into with Stinko The Boy. *ponders*
Posted by: Brandice | 02/27/2006 at 11:35 PM
what's wrong with wearing a beanie at 34? what kinda age stereotypes are you buying into....
Posted by: paul s | 02/28/2006 at 12:16 AM
MonDAY!
Shit, was that out loud?
Posted by: lizriz | 02/28/2006 at 12:18 AM
Paul- Nothing is wrong with it! (I'm still fining myself.) :-) I've been meaning to respond to your e-mail. I finally have some time tonight.
Posted by: shane | 02/28/2006 at 12:21 AM
I'd like to just deposit $400 with you, and we'll work from that account.
Posted by: wil | 02/28/2006 at 12:29 AM
Love the new VLOG. Actually made me laugh, thanks!
Posted by: Tom Agri | 02/28/2006 at 12:45 AM
It has been documented that many of the asshole things guys do (such as driving Hummers and sporting the Calvin pissing stickers) are in compensation for having a tiny penis. So, if you don't see payment of that asshole fine coming your way, you can yell, "SORRY ABOUT YOUR TINY PENIS!"
(I don't know why women are assholes. I can't find a common reason on Google.)
Posted by: FRANKL | 02/28/2006 at 01:41 AM
*snicker* I've been reading since you started blogging again and man, this cracked me up! Thanks for the Monday smile.
Posted by: Tina | 02/28/2006 at 02:50 AM
I've always wanted to use my keys to crudely scratch a picture of Calvin pissing on the phrase "Assholes who park diagonally across 3 spots because they don't want anybody to touch their precious penis enlargement vehicle" on to whichever vehicle is parked like that.
Then I may also physically piss on the car or truck.
I applaud your efforts to fine these sorts of people, and will give the exact same level of effort I've given important legislation in the past. Which is to say I will bitch about getting something done, but probably won't get off my ass and do anything to truly help.
I'm such an asshole.
Posted by: Bob | 02/28/2006 at 02:52 AM
monDAY. \m/
Posted by: AJ | 02/28/2006 at 05:44 AM
Hahahah this is one of my favourites by far.
monDAY!
Posted by: Ericka | 02/28/2006 at 06:03 AM
Am I an asshole for wondering where the zebra-stripped car seat went? Fine!
Posted by: Will Campbell | 02/28/2006 at 06:33 AM
May I humbly submit an infraction worthy of an Asshole Fine?
If you park with your car in your yard or, even worse, accross the public sidewalk, you are indeed an asshole.
And if your hummer or SUV on the sidewalk, double asshole fine.
And if your hummer or SUV, while parked on the sidewalk, if it has a bumper sticker informing the world that your child has one a citizenship award at school, well, not only is that a quadruple asshole fine, but it also means at least there's hope for your child if he or she ignores the frack out of your ass-a-holic behavior.
I'm just saying... submitted for your consideration.
Posted by: BBOCK | 02/28/2006 at 08:35 AM
Oh God, Hummers. There is no better way to make my head explode. It should be obvious - if you want to fight terrorim, stop using so much gas. Obvious to everyone except these knuckleheads.
Posted by: Dave Greten | 02/28/2006 at 03:15 PM
someone is setting something in motion. pretty hawsome.
Posted by: annie | 02/28/2006 at 06:09 PM
It's early afternoon, and I just laughed for the first time today. Thank you!
Posted by: jenkaal | 02/28/2006 at 07:13 PM
Now that is funny! Thanks for the snicker! As for assholes, as my father-in-law would say "so many assholes and so few bullets".
Posted by: Karl | 02/28/2006 at 08:37 PM
I just found your blog via Wil Wheaton and am enjoying the hell out of it. Good stuff. I'll be back.
How about his asshole fine: You are trying to exit the hughway on an offram and the line is so long it goes into the highway itself. So, you get in the back of the line like you should. Assholes drive to the front of the line and cut in line. Grrrr. Maybe the asshole fine should go to anyone cutting in ANY line?
Brian
http://candyaddict.com
Posted by: pipa | 03/01/2006 at 07:54 PM
What if it's a bumper sticker of Calvin pissing on Hobbes?
Or R. Kelly pissing on a Hummer for that matter?
Posted by: Pete DeWolf | 03/03/2006 at 03:17 PM
what would be the fine for talking on the phone while driving badly? Or the rolling boomboxes that interfere with your heartbeat from three cars away?
Posted by: Mr_Ewolf | 03/04/2006 at 06:28 PM