joke

I got home at around seven thirty last night, after what felt like a pretty long day of work. I try to get out of work by seven or so to make sure I get home in time to see Lucy before she goes to bed. The nights I have to work late are hard, not because I don't like my job (because I do), but because I hate not seeing Lucy before she goes to sleep. I think about her all the time, and I miss her a lot by the end of the day. I suppose that's pretty normal for a parent.

At seven thirty, I arrived to an excited shout of "Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!" Lucy's arms flew up and down as she saw me walk in the door and she threw the book she was reading off to the side as she ran over to see me. I opened my arms and squatted down on the floor as she approached. "Hi Lucy," I said as she ran into my arms. "Nice hug," she said as she squeezed me back. One hug from your child can make all of the crappy other things on your mind go away instantly. "Issa good day?" Lucy asked me with eyes that made me want to quit my job and never leave her again. I smiled back at her and answered, "It WAS a good day. How was your day?" She launched into a story that was mostly gibberish, but included key words like "book," "walk," and "big truck." "Wow!" I told her as she finished her story, "It sounds like you had a great day." She repeated with a smile, "Issa gate day."

We played for a while before it was time for "a tubby." In the tub, she shouted out to me in the kitchen as I ate some half-assed dinner. "Daddy?" It was obvious in her tone that she wanted to make sure I was still there. I swallowed cold pizza and answered reassuringly, "I'm right here baby." Every now and then, I'd peek my head into the bathroom and make a funny face. "Daddy's so silly," she told Elisa. I splashed her a little with her toys and she laughed and asked, "Again? Again?" We kept it up until the water got cold in the tub. Eventually, Elisa pulled her out and dried her off, and she got her PJ's on for bed.

Usually, the next step in the routine is that Lucy runs over to mommy and says, "Bed?" or "Mulk?" She's not great about going to sleep, but the day does catch up to her at some point. Last night, she came running out of the bedroom with a tiny gray sweatshirt and said, "Jacket!" I looked at her and nodded. "Yes Lucy, that's your jacket," I told her. It was clear that she already knew it was a jacket, and that she had something else on her mind. "Joke?" "Joke?" "Joke?"

I looked at my wife, confused. "Oh, she wants to go see the joke," she told me.

A few days ago, our neighbors put up an interesting Halloween decoration. They stuck two fake legs out of the top of a leafy green tree with a fisherman's hat sitting next to the legs and an arm poking out the side of the tree to create the illusion that a man is lodged, head first, inside the tree. Lucy was so freaked out by it that she made my wife pick her up whenever they walked by it. My wife explained to Lucy that it was nothing to be scared about and that it was just "a joke." Since then, she has been somewhat obsessed with what she now refers to as "the joke."

"You want to see the joke, Lucy?" I asked her. "Okay!" she said with a victorious smile. Sometimes it's hard for two year old kids to get their message across, so when they realize that you understand them, they get excited. "OK, let's get you ready then. Daddy will take you," I told her. It was her bedtime, but how could I pass up the chance to take a walk with my daughter? We bundled her up with warmer clothes over her PJ's and put on her shoes. "You ready?" I asked her as I pulled her hood over her head. "Yup," she said as she grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the door, "Joke!"

I held her hand as we walked down the sidewalk. Lucy talked to me the whole way in lots of words I didn't understand and a few words that I did. She loves pointing out everything she sees and practicing the words she's learned. "Look, it's a big wall!" she told me as she pointed to a small wall in front of a house. "Lookit Daddy, it's a punkin!" she said as she pointed out one of about a million pumpkins in our neighborhood." "That's right Lucy, it IS a pumpkin," I told her. Every now and then, she'd look up at me with her little red velvet hood and say, "Hi Daddy."

"Hi Lucy," I answered.

We walked by "The Joke," and Lucy observed, "It's a hand." I looked up at it and agreed, "That's right Lucy, it's a fake hand." She looked up too and repeated, "Issa fake hand."

"Bye Bye, Joke," she said as we walked on. "The Joke" was an excuse to get us walking, it seemed. That was fine with me. I couldn't think of anywhere else I'd rather be. She pointed out flowers and walls and cars and pumpkins. She's at the age when everything she sees excites her. Every now and then, she'd look up at me with those blue eyes and say, "Hi Daddy."

"Hi Lucy," I answered each time.

"Issa good day?" she asked me.

"It's the best day, Lucy."

I looked down at her with an overwhelming of happiness, only slightly burdened by that nagging feeling of lament. It is the lament that comes when that desire to live within one perfect moment forever, is proven impossible by the unstoppable passing of time.

Oblivious to such things, Lucy pulled me onward into the night air and the wonderland of new things around us. I followed, led by a force much fresher; much less sullied; much more aware than I have been in years.

It was the best day.

Comments

[Rarity]

Issa gate story, Shane. You are very lucky, but also you know how to appreciate it - that's a great thing about you!

[Q]

Excellent entry. You are, without a doubt, a lucky man.

[Devin L. Ganger]

Wow. You brought our day here at Chez Ganger completely to a halt. I had to read it -- and admire how cute your daughter is (and sympathize with you in advance on how much butt-kicking you've got in store to keep the boys away!) -- and then *my* kids ran over to see Lucy's picture, and then my wife came out to read the story.

Now we're in major nostalgia mode. Issa good age. And may you be blessed, as we have been so far, with every day and every age just getting better.

[JM]

I didn't like the film AI.

But remember that last sequence, where he gets one more day with his mother?

[AJ]

By creating this blog, you are building an absolute TREASURE that is going to warm yours and your family's hearts for a long time.

Gasp! Naturally, the NERD in me just HAS to ask: "You keep an up-to-date backup of these gems, right? RIGHT?"

Gate post, daddy.

[Dan]

Beautiful, beautiful post. And "an overwhelming of happiness" is the best phrase I've read in weeks.

Dan

[Colleen]

That was really touching, Shane. She's quite a gift. And you are doubly lucky to appreciate these moments as they happen. And we're doubly lucky to be able to share them with you. :)

[Neil]

These moments may quickly go by in real-time, but I have a feeling that since you are so attuned to these special moments, they will always stay with you. Such a warm and lovingly written post.

[Kate]

Awesome.

[Matt]

Such a great story! Thank you!

Now when are you going to write a book?!?!?! Both Wil and JSto have done it. Now it is your turn!

[shane]

Thanks for the nice feedback, all.

AJ- Yes, I do. Although I should keep it more up to date.

Devin- Thanks, right back atcha.

Dan- I'd love to tell you it was intentional, but I think I must have meant to put a "feeling" in there. Happy accident!

Neil- Thanks. I really enjoyed your post today, too.

Matt- Why write a book? You can get it all here for free!

:-)

Maybe someday.

[Eve]

You jerk. You've made me cry. I'm a blubbering mess. I love the way you captured that overwhelming feeling of loving your kids SO MUCH, it's so surreal and hard to express.
I love this post.

[BBOCK]

The older I get, the more stuff like this gets to me. I found myself tearing up as I read about the moments that matter. I think its interesting that it's the extraordinarily ordinary moments that really make memories. After reading about Lucy's gate day I thought about the gate days I had with my dad. Sadly he's gone, but not in my memory or heart. I was just thinking about riding in my dad's car when I was a little kid in Michigan. It's hilly there and he drove a stick, which meant he was always shifting gears. And every time he's shift he'd look at me and wink. Pretty soon I tried to wink back. I doubt I got it right because I remember half the time I would end up closing both eyes. And I remember we went to grandma's house (why I don't know since she was not there) and we ate open faced toasted cheese sandwiches and drank chocolate milk while watching Mr. Ed rerun on TV. And surely there were more dramatic and exciting moments in my life, but that is still one of my favorites.

Thanks for sharing and allowing me to revisit my memory of my dad.

You should write a book. Yeah, people can read your thoughts online for free, but a book gives you a chance to reshape that and make deeper connections and flesh out details. It's a different medium. Wil's stuff is interesting, not because he was on some show or a favorite movie, but because he tells great stories. So do you.

[Lillie]

With a teary eyed smile on. You have an amazing ability to put me in the moment. Thanks, that was awesome!

[sharfa]

Your innate talent for capturing the emotional essence of a moment has shone through again.

Gate post!

[la ketch]

darn you for making me tear up at my desk! great stuff. thanks for sharing...

[communicatrix]

Perfection.

And "gate post," too, I guess. Whatever that means (off to geek/normie dictionary...)

[martha]

I work in a busy newsroom and your blog is one of the first sites I check every day. So here I am, tears streaming down my cheeks, and now everyone thinks I'm doing the Holly Hunter. Thanks a lot, Shane. I'm officially the unstable one in the room. Really, really touching and I'm not a parent or even really pining for offspring yet. Well, wait...maybe now I am.

[markzap]

I have been lurking at your blog for sometime,but this post makes me have to come out of the shadows. I have a daughter Abby who is 3 and looks quite similar to your Lucy. This by no means is my first child. I have three boys, 17,14,and 12, but this is my first baby girl. I have the same feeling as you do when I look at that tiny face, I just wish that I could spend all day at home with her.
Our conversations go like this..."I love you Daddy", "I love you Abby", "Daddy,I love you", "Abby, I love you" until we she gets tired of it, but I never do. Enjoy her and spoil the shit out of her, because she is Daddy's girl. That is my only advice.

[Dave Greten]

That was a really good read. It almost made me want to have kids.

[Kitty]

So lovely.

[Lindsay]

This made me miss my Daddy SOOOOOOOO much! It reminded me of how I used to hide his slippers every night before he came home from work. And every night, for years and years, we would play the "See if Daddy can find his slippers" game. My favorite place was the refrigerator, but he never, ever looked there first. I've always marveled at how he never got bored of the game.

[Tina]

I made my husband get out of bed and read that bee-yoo-deeful post so he could look forward to what we've got coming down the pike. He loved it as much as I did. That was gorgeous, Shane.

[Karl]

Nicely written. You do have a gift Nick!
Also, I love to do the same with our boys! Long walks are fun!

[Jim Brodhead]

I must have gotten something in my eye.

I missed too many of those days with my two girls but my grandchildren have given me a second chance.

[Carrie]

Okay, that seriously has to be my favourite post out of your entire blog. I loved that :)
Thanks for sharing it.

p.s. LOVE the new banner!

[Jim Brodhead]

Thanks for popping in.

[Kerrie]

*sniff* I haven't been able to get as much "face time" online as I used to, because I have to actually work while I'm at work now and when I get home, I'm more interested in "face time" with the boyfriend. So this was the first chance I've had in a while to really check your blog. Thanks for making it worth my while! You are an amazing father...you and Elisa are raising an amazing girl! Keep loving every minute of it!

[Carly]

These are the kinds of things that make me excited to have kids.